Sexuality in a couple needs to connect two areas of their lives: playfulness and responsibility.
Playfulness unlocks the child-like part in you when you feel connected, vulnerable but are also ready to engage and play. This further connects to the area of sexual fantasies that stimulate us. Sexual fantasies largely come from the internalised ‘emotional temperature’ of the family we grown up in and the quality of attachments we formed with our parents and siblings. It is not a secret that people who had secure attachments in their childhood enjoy sex more. Those with ambivalent or avoidant attachment past experiences may have sexual fantasies that may surprise or concern them. The challenge in this case is to try to understand our own sexuality and to avoid engaging in sexual excitement only without any attempt to connect emotionally.
Responsibility unlocks the potential of looking and caring after our own body and future life. Failure to do so may have a negative impact on our relationships and on our long term happiness.