There is pain that your partner has caused. Sometimes your partner was consciously hurting you and their self. After many discussions you had about it the feeling of distance or anger still comes to you and it is very difficult to forgive what has happened.
Sometimes your partner hurts you unconsciously. We choose our partners having some conscious and unconscious expectations. Most of them come from our past. We want our partner to give us something we didn’t have before, for example, being loved in a specific way or feeling safe.
When a feeling of anger or distance come to you, you may choose to repeat in your mind:
‘I want to understand and forgive.’